He may have just had a one night stand or two. We are older with grown children, I know if I was younger he would be gone!! My only response was, Thats a smart guy.. Now I think for most of the female affair partners it is so hard to reconcile the fact that you gave the best part of yourself to a pig! He sees himself as belonging to a 'dog eats dog world' where no one is loyal. Maybe they tried to work on some of their marital issues but their wife wasnt willing to put in the effort. Women and men need to be called out when they behave unprofessionally. Is It Cheating If Youre Not Official? In some cases, cheating men stay married because they feel like its their only option. I bet she is lovely and I would like to say hello. So, he sheepishly brought me over to his wife (who was in another part of the complex with her female friend) and I chatted with her, ignoring him, talking about mom stuff, and making it subtly known that I am not a threat. He was my high school bf, we sleep slept together when I was 16, off and on til about 20. So being friendly and having people on her side would have helped, I think. These traits just make him more than likely to have affairs and continue having them. It's like they think nothing is their fault. (I mean, the stereotype is that men want the variety that another woman provides and that women embark on this path because their husbands cannot meet their emotional needs.). Lol. I have copied and pasted your questions with answers below . I like hanging out with myself a lot too. No, cause this is what he DOES, to everyone he is involved with. The answer is complicated and multi-faceted. Still, it is so unbelievable to me that women like the one you hired/fired actually exist. I would ask him point blank if there is any reason for her to be continuing to pursue this so aggressively. I catch up with friends rarely, and just pick up where we left off when we do meet. Im sure she was trying to move in on him. It amazes me how just about every article in the world on affairs always says he did this and he did that. You know what sucks more than being cheated on? In some cases, seeing what else is out there may make a man realize how lucky he is to have his wife, especially if the affair was disappointing. I just think we impede our own personal growth by only placing the blame on the OW. She knew my H had cheated and she was just setting herself up to be the next one. You know it is funny, it doesnt matter what side of the fence we are, we have something in common. Out of body experiences. Just terrible. Detective Gomez, of the Gomez Detective Agency, lists a few potential warning signs of a cheating partner, including: Compulsive cheaters will go to great lengths to hide that behavior from a partner. Im addicted to it but it kind of keeps so much that I want to let go, front-of-mind, and sometimes I question if Im hindering or helping my recovery! I actually told my h that we should celebrate it as our 21st, because the last two years were a nightmare and just didnt seem to be like we were really married, lol because of his ea, and it felt like we lost two years of our life. Anyhow I think Im going to take a break but Ill probably be back tomorrow ha! She has lived with him for 10 years and it is her sob story that she tells my husband about how this guy has taken the best years of her life because he wont marry her. She makes him out to the cad, while she is the defenseless victim of his cad-ish ways. Exactly giz, dont drag innocent bystanders down the destructive path, by trying to act single. I understand and am even emphatic to those who make big mistakes. Sounds like a lot of what you are describing about yourself is standard introversion, which is a very valuable characteristic. Wow, Jeddy, Yes, I am glad that I asked because your answer provides insight on many levels. 3. Eyes, you know that I think your just great. So that is his part of it. This, in my opinion, keeps you too tied to him in your mind. Anyone else out there have ideals similar to these and stick to them in all situations? He sees no reason to leave his wife because he just wanted to experience some physical pleasure on the side. Warning : Ive had a wine so shouldnt be posting. The first thing is they always intend to cheat, and the facts are that not all are equal. Hah. He also may be afraid of losing custody or that his children will feel angry with him when they find out the truth. Needing to regain self-worth by assigning blame. He appears to lack a conscience in all of his social dealings. I know its not exactly what youre saying but I was no innocent victim ! Red flag 3: He picking the woman who he knew was just getting back into the workforce after raising kids. Serial cheaters will give you just enough information to make you feel like you know them, but you might still be left guessing. I would have realized the romantic overnights he treated me to were just to throw me off the trail. So, I do not believe this is a way to make in roads with us as a couple. My h didnt want to end up alone. Because of that, they're less likely to seek it out again. Matter of fact it makes him that much more appealing. He is extremely cautious. Some of them are truly relentless and have no shame and do not even try to hide their intentions. It's paramount to build trust back up again. Very respectful, church going, seemed normal. I think that is actually a good thing though , cause you will not see him in a positive light and not have good memories of your relationship. He never really believed it, I guess until now. I have thought long and hard about if he may have engaged in some kind of affair with her (EA or SA or both). This lady who is chasing him has lived with a guy for 10 years and the guy will not marry her. She would whimper to men flirting about how having a husband and four boys was too much men. This man was very nice. I heard his fake laugh and I swear my hair caught fire. Im not an expert but thats not a good sign, still feeling sympathy toward affair partner. I am on good terms and friendly with several of his co-workers and know that he has never crossed the line. If I call him o text him at work, he answers. Cheating is inherently capitalist in nature, which is one of the reasons why I'll argue for it being universal, especially in the age of Snapchat, Tinder, Facebookany populist platform . People with serial cheater personality traits will always put the blame on their exes for the doom of the relationships. Th, I dont place eyes in that category the ow in my life is placed either, I place eyes, in the same rank and position as my h, one that was used by someone who was self serving and manipulative. To illustrate, imagine this scenario: When Cinderella cheats on Prince Charming for the first time and lies to his face about where shes been, she feels kinda bad about it, assuming shes not a sociopath. He works in an environment where everyone works in a large room that is full of computers and everyone is always around the other. How do I move data from one tab to another in Excel? Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. How did the affair evolve and what were some of the clues the wife could have seen? document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. But he always, always, always finds away to displace blame. Let's say you ask your significant other about a single friend or co-worker they've been cozying up to or talking a lot with recently. What I've discovered is that there are three main reasons why married men say they cheat and yet remain married: 1. My spidey-senses say that she is a black widow waiting in the wings, planning when to pounce. I have thought about asking him to shut himself down, but that isnt fair because he never does anything inappropriate and does not even engage in any kind of conversation that is R rated. Narcissists cheat on their spouses, commit adultery and have extramarital affairs and liaisons for a variety of reasons which reflect disparate psychodynamic processes. Early role modeling involving infidelity: This guy has wounds from his childhood and he has witnessed one or both parents cheating over and over again. There is no other way to be, you know? There is an awesome book called Quiet that describes the incredible value introverts have to offer, especially in terms of future innovation and contributions to society. "Cheating can be emotional, and/or physical. He HAS to give her the cold shoulder. My h would always say to me, how bad he felt for his skank, ohh the poor thing had such a horrible marriage. As they say, fool me once, shame on you. They may feel neglected or unappreciated. Maybe that way I can get some of the money back she took from my family, hehehe, if only that was possible. So good, in fact, that LeslieBeth Wish, a noted psychotherapist, author, and founder of. TH we are in the new house :-). Fool me twice, shame on me. That phrase originated because of this phenomenon of repeating bad behavior. He should beat her to the chase. You could read profiles and pick them out anywhere. Possiblymany couples do. 2) to be happy when seen (she always appeared in a mood with him , fuelling the perception that their relationship was over ) 3) she was aloof on the rare occasions she visited the office it was notable and mentioned by his staff. It takes two to tango and she admits she has forced this guy to buy a house with her with both names on the title. All she wanted was a man that would come and start paying for her and her children, so she didnt have to worry about It herself. But, it is sincere on his part. You mentioned in your comment earlier that when your H cheated on you, you felt like you had to be engaging, funny, and entertaining and act like someone you were not. Or wed be in a different place in our marriage. Another possibility is that they never felt bad about cheating to begin with, so they didnt need adaptation to occur, they were comfortable with it from the get-go.. His compliments boosted my ego and confidence, My comments: Red flag 1: you liked him as soon as you met him that screams narcissist- he is a narcissist. And what's most heartbreaking about these statistics is, of those who had been cheated on and found out about it, most probably never saw it coming at least, not until it was too late. I have four of these traits, but at a very low level. Cheating Girlfriend? It shocked him, when he saw I chose to fight for him. The rest of the details that you provide indicate the typical predator/prey dynamic that narcissists thrive on. He may come to see how loyal, devoted, and giving she is and recognize that hes not going to find anyone else who loves him like she does. Turns out once a cheater, always a cheater is true. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. That is so wrong on many levels. Front of the pack leading lives with integrity, not anywhere near those maimed creatures. WHAT a great British word!!! He certainly didnt travel in those circles. Between alimony and spousal support, any divorce can be a financial nightmare. The norms in many cultures strongly frown upon divorce. Same here. He still wont marry her and since he wont marry her, she uses this story as alleged proof of further insult to her right as a woman to be treated like Queen. I would never intentionally say anything to hurt someone, well yes I would if they are a total asshole but certainly not anyone really trying to do right. I spent a year being told the problems in our marriage were due to me, so I tried to fix me. I think one thing bothering me after my husband cheated was that I felt I had to act like someone I wasnt. I was humiliated at family functions she attended. When my friend tried to leave for good, he turned up the heat and was quasi-stalking her. Why the hell not? I dont plan to be a cheater ever again though, it just doesnt even interest me. He could go to Mcdonalds and find it. Someone who knows who you are and likes who you are. They Keep Telling Themselves They Will Change. Right, Strength, but its a tricky situation cause they dont WANT to BE single, they just want to ACT single. We had a huge heated discussion and I very firmly pointed out how his demeanor sends the wrong message to females. Ive been reading the comments since the end of last year, the ones about being betrayed by friends left me with a deep sense of sorrow for the posters but I was foolish to think that would not be my reality This second sexual affair was with a friend Words fail me right now in describing the depth of disgust I feel towards my husband and this fake friend; I had to take down all the wedding pictures off the wall Im dealing with a serial cheater clearly. Here are the common traits of a serial cheater: Sociopathic attitudes: Constant disregard for rules; lacks guilt and remorse when caught doing something harmful. He even told me, that I had now made it harder for him, because I chose to fight. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. I guess, I gave her the ammunition she needed to get my h to help her, and potentially leave his family for her. Often people who cheat tell themselves that their behavior is justified because their partner doesn't really care about them and therefore wouldn't care if they strayed. How do I get rid of whiteheads on my nose naturally? One point for the good guys! He tells me his story and I WANT to believe him. They may also enjoy the ego boost, or the thrill of sneaking around. Here are some common traits that repeat cheaters share. He had gone to rehab, found God, found a wonderful beautiful woman, had a successful business and yet through all the positive things that he had in his life and also realized what he had lost previously, he managed to find his way back to the gutter.